Sunday, May 22, 2005
14 Ways a Pastor Can Destroy a Church
1. Always hold Sunday morning service way later than any other church around you. Pay no heed to diabetics needing to eat or parents with small, irritable, children.
2. Be sure to treat your "flock" like the sheep you think they are. Tell them how to dress, how the wear their hair, when to work, what to read and what music they can listen to.
3. Call individuals out for the alter call when you think they have sinned, "Larry I think you REALLY need to come up here today".
4. Have guest missionaries preach who don't realize they are back in the states preaching to American converts. Make sure they rail against Catholics and other protestant sects.
5. Shame the families of members who have to work on Sundays by telling them that "if Tom really loved the Lord he would find a way out of working". Suggest to that member that he should quit his job in order to make it to your Sunday services.
6. Call members who missed Sunday service and tell them that you're worried they "may have gone over to the Methodists".
7. Constantly hold tithings for your home improvement ideas. Don't notice that you live in a larger and more modern home than many in your congregation.
8. Have the church build you a home and then demand the deed be in your name only.
9. Refuse to baptize a person unless they become a member of your church.
10. Refuse to marry anyone if they've ever been divorced, regardless of the reasons for the divorce or if it occurred before they were saved.
11. Don't ask them to participate, simply designate which members will cook for Sunday dinners/funeral dinners.
12. Confuse the Gospel message. Make sure none in your congregation is ever really sure of their salvation. Make being saved a mix of the sacrificial death of Christ and personal piety.
13. When confessing your sins to the congregation make sure it's inane stuff that will make you look good. "I confess that the Lord has been weighing heavy on my heart about how dirty I let my car get". Or, "I confess that I have grown too attached to sleep."
14. Pan the movie "Passion of the Christ" by complaining that you've been saying the same thing for years so why all the fuss now?
Note: This is not about any certain pastor, it's simply a collection of things I've noticed after 34 years of church attendance.
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2. Be sure to treat your "flock" like the sheep you think they are. Tell them how to dress, how the wear their hair, when to work, what to read and what music they can listen to.
3. Call individuals out for the alter call when you think they have sinned, "Larry I think you REALLY need to come up here today".
4. Have guest missionaries preach who don't realize they are back in the states preaching to American converts. Make sure they rail against Catholics and other protestant sects.
5. Shame the families of members who have to work on Sundays by telling them that "if Tom really loved the Lord he would find a way out of working". Suggest to that member that he should quit his job in order to make it to your Sunday services.
6. Call members who missed Sunday service and tell them that you're worried they "may have gone over to the Methodists".
7. Constantly hold tithings for your home improvement ideas. Don't notice that you live in a larger and more modern home than many in your congregation.
8. Have the church build you a home and then demand the deed be in your name only.
9. Refuse to baptize a person unless they become a member of your church.
10. Refuse to marry anyone if they've ever been divorced, regardless of the reasons for the divorce or if it occurred before they were saved.
11. Don't ask them to participate, simply designate which members will cook for Sunday dinners/funeral dinners.
12. Confuse the Gospel message. Make sure none in your congregation is ever really sure of their salvation. Make being saved a mix of the sacrificial death of Christ and personal piety.
13. When confessing your sins to the congregation make sure it's inane stuff that will make you look good. "I confess that the Lord has been weighing heavy on my heart about how dirty I let my car get". Or, "I confess that I have grown too attached to sleep."
14. Pan the movie "Passion of the Christ" by complaining that you've been saying the same thing for years so why all the fuss now?
Note: This is not about any certain pastor, it's simply a collection of things I've noticed after 34 years of church attendance.
# posted by Joe Florida @ 12:24 PM 
